The train of the much talked about seminar “I Choose Us” moved to Ikorodu region.

The Georges – Fred & Titi facilitated the seminar. The seminar couldn’t have come at a better time, than the period when we were depending on God as a church with 40 days fasting and prayer. Over 80% of the married in the Region attended the 3-day seminar. Over 60 married couples were in attendance.

The “I Choose Us” seminar was dividing into 6 major segments:

1. Choose Love Connection

2. Choose Love and Respect

3. Choose Awareness

4. Choose Vulnerability

5. Choose Fidelity

6. Choose Reconciliation.

1. Choose Love Connection (Gen 3, Eph. 5,  Acts 5)

The first marriage ever was attacked by Satan. Satan is out to destroy our marriages, so we need to be at alert. We look at four phases where our marriages can be at :

*Infatuation, Mutual Affection, Disintegration and Love Connection.

Infatuation is experienced during the early years of marriage, say the first two years of marriage. It is the autopilot stage. At this stage couple become the centre of each other’s world. The infatuation phase is temporary and last a few years and decline sets in after a while.

Mutual affection is when the kind of feeling couple has towards one another is based on commitment and shared experiences but has lost the connection. Deep emotional bond is missing.  While the disintegration stage is when the relationship is breaking down. This is a critical stage, at this stage the marriage needs serious intervention.

The last stage which is the Love Connection stage is where we should all fight to be. It is a commitment-based love that can last forever. In Love Connection phase, our behaviour affects our attitude towards our spouse.  Feelings for our spouse will come when our behaviour and actions are in place. It requires effort, because when we do not make effort, our attitude towards our spouse changes for worse and we no longer feel in love.

2. Choose Love & Respect

The two most basic ingredients for a healthy marriage are Love and Respect. In building Love Connection, we need to start with love and respect. Husbands should be considerate to their wives, and take time to listen to them. The wives will feel loved and respected if the their husbands are considerate listeners. On the other hand, husbands will feel loved and respected when their wives appreciate them.

Without love and respect, the couple will feel detached and the LOVE CONNECTION gets severed.

When couples show love and respect to one another, Love Connection will be growing.

3. Choose Awareness

Choosing to grow in awareness will give couple new ways of thinking and behaving. Awareness of our spouse’s issues help us to better empathize with our spouse. Developing awareness is not a comfortable activity, but it will pay off in the long run. Couples need to get to the root of their negative behavioural pattern.There is need to get rid of the negative thoughts and beliefs that bring about the negative behaviour. Getting to the root will produce long-lasting change.

4. Choose Vulnerability

Vulnerability is very vital. Vulnerability means : (1). Expressing your weakness and fears.  (2) Expressing what you need.  (3)  Expressing your needs (4) Share your feelings respectfully and apologize when necessary.

– Choose Fidelity (1 Cor. 7 v 3 – 5)

Infidelity breaks our spouse’s heart. Our marriage vows should be honoured. Any emotional attachment with anyone other than your spouse is not acceptable. If a spouse is developing an emotional affair with someone out there, it means cheating on your spouse. Signs of cheating : *More time away from home. *Less sex. *Avoidance of contact. *More critical of spouse.

The goal for couple is to have intimate relation with each other and not just the sex.

-Choose Reconciliation (Mt. 18 v 32)

In marriage, reconciliation is NOT an option to achieve Love Connection it is vital. For all relationships, forgiveness is essential, reconciliation is not an option. Both couple need to take responsibility for their own sins. Forgiveness is not condoning the offender’s action, excusing the offender’s action or justifying the offender’s actions. Forgiveness is cancelling the debt . Giving up feeling of resentment. Offering compassion and benevolence in place of the anger and resentment. Forgiveness is essential in getting reconciled.

Ayoola Adegbesan

Ikorodu Region